Toit on a weekday, Part – 1: Fear

For some reason, over the last 3 months. for one reason or the other, I have been unable to go out to meet women during the weekends. The couple times I managed was a very loud place in Kammanahalli and a weekend visit to Toit which was a sausage fest. Sure there were a couple of all girl sets which I “could” have opened. But for some reason, I just did not go through. This, I believe, is a common problem for most guys.

What do you say to a woman you have never met before and who you are going to approach? Sometimes the mind just does not work. No matter what you think of saying, it does not right. It just does not sound funny, or charming or suave or profound. It just sounds stupid. We’ve all  watched too many Rom-Coms or Bond movies or movies about playboys and ladies men where the protagonist always seems to say just the right thing that befits the situation perfectly. We all tend to judge ourselves using that standard as a reference. Is it any wonder that we all fall short? Is it any wonder that most of us never even approach?

The key is to understand that the incredibly charming, perfect for the situation, devilishly clever line delivered by the Hero is the result of hours of work by script writers, producers and directors. Out in the field, when you encounter a situation, you have a grand total of three minutes to make your move. How can you compare your three minutes with their tens of hours? It’s your three minutes Vs tens of hours from a army of script writers, choreographers and what have you. 

So do not judge yourself by those standards. Approach and say something. Anything. Anything non-stupid I mean. But seriously, just approach and a simple Hi is better than nothing. And this was exactly my intent for my next visit to Toit.

This time I decided to see what the place like was on a weekday. I would go there after work, kick back with a few non-alcoholic drinks, chill, analyse the sitch (situation), make an esy going, friendly, polite approach. Fair enough. However, as 6:30 pm approached, my anxiety started to rise. Seriously, you’d think that after all these years, I would be done with the anxiety a man feels when he is about to approach women. No! I think it is time to accept that I will never be rid of approach anxiety. I will simply have to act in spite of it. Just when I was about to leave the office, I felt a need to go to the Toilet. I went in and emptied my bowels in the Office bathroom. What the hell? What next? Pee my pants? 

My heart started pounding, my eyes started lilting and I decided may it would be better if I went into the quiet room and observed the touch of the breath on my nostrils for a while. And so I did. Any excuse to go approach women. This is what happens if you go a long while without approaching women. So i went to the quiet room to observe the touch of my breath on the nostrils. I sat on the chair, started observing my breath and in couple minutes I was snoring. When I woke up, it was half an hour into the future. At this point, even I got impatient with my mind and decided to just go.

As I left the office building in my car and got onto the street, I noticed that I was in the middle of another of those rush hour traffic jams that Bangalore is so famous or notorious for depending on your point of view. It took me 45 minutes to drive 2 kms and another 30 minutes to find parking space. Exactly not the kind of thing that puts you in the sort of mood to be the life of a party. 

Once I enter Toit, I grab a Bloody Mary and walk around the bar. Toit may be a Pub, a bar, a night spot on a weekend. But on the weekday it is a restaurant. Everyone was in a group. And they were all eating. They were also imbibing alcoholic beverages sure, but they were all eating. The place is half full. Several tables are empty and almost no one is without Food. It’s hard to approach people who are eating. Drinking fine! But eating?

There were a couple of 2-sets but I could not get myself to approach them. I did not want to be here. I wanted to be at home, sleeping, or meditating, or jogging or reading. Anything, but this! But a man has got to do what a man has to do.I can’t But I sure did not feel like a man at that point. I was terrified. Petrified. I can’t approach the women.

I decide to talk to the cute receptionist. She works there. She can’t reject me. She has to talk to me. Also I’m a polite dude. Nothing much. Just plan to talk to her about the club, what the weekends here are like, how do I find an easy place to park, what are the other clubs in the area like etc etc. Just some warm up to get me in a talkative mood. But by the time I get to the receptionist, I notice some other staff at toit is talking to her at the counter. And the guy does not leave. After 10 minutes, I give up on the receptionist. 

Continued in the next post

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Club Review: Toit on a weekday

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Tracking the progress of the FIFA World cup 2014

Let’s pay some homage to Football Fever with a football related post. I’m going to track the progress of the Cup.

1. Interesting Trivia Fact: Of the 9 world cups played outside Europe, European teams have one just once. The only European win outside Europe was in 2010, the last world cup, when Spain won in South Africa. Just based on this one stat, one could conclude that there is a high chance that either Brazil or Argentina win this time.  

2. Teams most favored by Pundits at the tournament start: Brazil, Argentina. The Pundits have not deviated from History

3. Teams looking best after the 1st round of matches: Italy, Germany, Netherlands

3a. In context of Uruguay’s defeat of England, Italy no longer looks so good. In fact Costa Rica suddenly starts looking real Good. But the fact is FIFA will never let a team like CR win the world cup even if it is the best team in the tournament. I’ve seen it again and again in earlier world cups. In the knockout rounds, FIFA referees generally try to ensure that a “big” team (or team which generates good FIFA money) wins or at least makes the finals. In that context they are not thrilled about Costa Rica or Australia or croatia winning the cup regardless of how good the team may be. Expect to see some biased refereeing in the knockouts if the match between a powerhouse and a minnow goes to the wire. Just an allegation I am making without proof.

4. Teams looking best after the 2nd round of matches: Costa Rica, Netherlands

Almost on cue, just as I expected, the Referee in the Costa Rica Italy match was biased. Costa Rica should have been awarded a penalty kick when one of their players was fouled by an italian Defender. But the referee did not award it. Football refereeing is still low tech and the ref misses a lot of things. In close calls, he generally favors the nation with a richer football tradition. Thus in any match between Burkina Faso and England, given a close call, the ref will tend to favor England. Had goal line technology not be available as in 2010, then CR would not even have got that one goal. It would have been 0-0. That is just how things are in the world. Nobody said Life or Football was fair. I have not included France yet since they have so far beaten only minnows comprehensively.

5. Teams looking the best going into the knockouts: Netherlands is the standout team of the tournament so far. Columbia and Belgium while winning all their matches seemed to have played minnows. Argentina though winning all their matches seems too reliant on Messi. Germany, while impressive against Portugal did not produce any more magic. France has played all minnows.

Now time for some predictions:
1. Brazil to Beat Chile (Counting on tradition and pedigree)
2. Columbia to beat Uruguay (Had Suarez been playing, this would be too close to call)
3. Netherlands to beat Mexico (But it will not be easy, Mexico are playing well)
4. Costa Rica to Beat Greece (Costa Rica have been solid so far, while Greece has been temperamental)
5. France Vs Nigeria: Too close to call (France have played all minnows, while Nigeria impressed against Argentina)
6. Germany to beat Algeria (Going by pedigree, rankings and tardition)
7. Argentina to Beat Switzerland (Counting on some more Messi Magic)
8. Belgium Vs USA: Too close to call (Belgium have been solid in defense, while USA has impressed with their attack)

6. Teams looking best going into quarters

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Club Review Lounge 579, Kammanahalli Bangalore

Website: http://timescity.com/bangalore/kammanahalli/bar-lounge-579/62438

Location: Kammanahalli Main Road

Open till: 11:15 pm

Frequented by: African Students

Quick Back Story: An African student I talked to suggested this place

Stag Entry: Yes

Cover Charge: Rs 500 (Refundable)

 

Honestly, the place is too loud to hear the other person even if he/she is screaming into your ear. Forget about running game, even a basic conversation is impossible. The Dance area is shut out to stags. Only couples and women allowed into the dance area. So you can’t go and run dance floor game either. It’s a real shame because some of the African girls are very pretty and dress very stylish. I was really looking forward to having a conversation about their impressions of India and life back in their home countries.

If you already have a woman and you want to prevent other single guys from hitting on her, this is definitely the place to go provided you don’t much care for conversation. The doorman/bouncer said the cover is refundable when I entered, but when I was leaving there was another doorman/bouncer who made a face when I was leaving and asked to be refunded. He finally did refund me, but there is a possibility that I just got lucky and the cover is not actually refundable.

Final Decision: If you are single and ready to mingle, AVOID this place.  

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For these actions of mine I beg forgiveness

Recently I was talking to my ex-girlfriend. She was crying. I suddenly became acutely aware of how much pain I caused her. My mind went back to others I might have caused pain. This is a short open letter to all of them

Love,

Seeing you cry the other day broke my heart. I suddenly became acute of the all the pain I caused you. I became aware of my actions that caused all this pain. Actions I had undertaken in ignorance. Actions I had undertaken in order to inflate my ego. Actions I had undertaken in order to bring myself pleasant sensations. Actions I had undertaken without consideration as to how they might have affected you. Actions that never had just one reason driving them.

For these actions of mine, I beg forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean that I want to escape the consequences of my actions. For none can escape the consequences of their own actions. For none must escape the consequences of their actions. For none must desire an escape from the consequences of their actions. As I have caused you pain, so in the future will pain come to me. This I accept whole-heartedly. For what value does repentance have if one wants to escape the consequences? No, I accept the fruit of my actions whole-heartedly. I still ask you for forgiveness, so that you can move on with your life. So you can go ahead and find happiness for yourself. I know you want to find it with me, but as we both know this is not possible. Happiness is a precious thing. One must not quibble about how or where one finds it. When it comes, one just grabs it, no questions asked and thanks providence.

In my defense, I can say this much. I never lied to you. I never deceived you. I never had malicious intentions. I never made promises which I could not keep. I never made promises which I would not keep. I was merely self-absorbed and I never made any bones about it. You agreed with me on all these points. But somewhere along the line you became attached to me. And when separation came, as we both knew it would, you could not bear it. You kept hoping that separation would not come. That something would avert it. But separation came all the same and nothing averted it. And it left you crying. It left you weeping. And seeing you weeping broke my heart.

“Why did you start the relationship at all?” you cried
“Because I thought this time would be different” I pleaded
“Because this time I thought I could make it work.” I continued

You accepted my answer. But your emotions did not. You continued to cry. Passerbys started staring. And I was feeling helpless, defeated. You see, I still don’t understand women. I mean I know what I need to do to be able to attract them. But I still don’t understand them. And I certainly do not understand you. At this point, I have just given up on the whole venture.

“I wish I had never met you.” You cried.

I felt hurt at this statement. Was I really the worst guy you have ever encountered. Have I caused you so much pain that you wish to erase the memories of time spend together? Was I really that much worse than that asshole ex-boyfriend of yours who led you on for years together. Could you have gotten so attached to me in a matter of a couple months?

Your intellect may have accepted my answer, even if your emotions did not. But for some reason, my intellect did not accept my own answer. I asked myself, “Did you really think this was going to be different?” I introspected and thought. I meditated to clear my mind. I kept my attention on the breath. And I looked deep inside. And what I saw showed me who I was. I realized that I only hoped it was going to be different. The fact is that I never really did believe it would be different. So used to losing have I become that I dare not even contemplate victory.

Your tears have taught me a lesson I have struggled to learn for the last 16 years. What I have wrestled with for years with no resolution in sight. and they taught me well. I made peace with myself. I made peace with all the people who have hurt me in the past, knowingly or unknowingly. I called an estranged friend. I talked a lot to him and used many words. But the only thing I actually said was, “Mate, I love you. Thanks for being my friend.”

And it was just the same when I was talking to you. I used many words, but all I was actually saying was, “Baby, I love you. Thanks for all the moments we had together. All I want now is to see you happy and to see you smiling and laugh that laugh of yours that would bring forth a monsoon rain.”

Yours
—Masculineffort

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Rolling Solo in Toit, Bangalore: I am introduced to the Cliques

Khiladi was supposed to meet me at Toit for another round of socializing, but he cancelled in the last minute to handle a …… Ahem ……. most delicate matter. I know, I know. Bros before Hos and all that, but sometimes it is Hos before Bros. If he’s a real Bro, he will be happy for you to make time with a Ho. And I ain’t skippin’ out on being a Bro.

But that left me in a most awkward situation. I was going into Toit alone. I have rolled Solo in Clubs several times. There are several things to be said for rolling Solo. But that was in the States. Even in Singapore, rolling Solo may not be such a great idea. And now, I’m in a new social scene. I’m new to India’s club scene and I was not sure what to do or how awkward it could get. But, Go I must. I might not hit on a single woman, but I must go even if I do nothing but just stand there the entire night. That is the essence of the Japanese Kaizen Philosophy. And those Japs do know a thing or two about getting things done. So, I was going. 

I watched a few Youtube sarge Videos to amp my state and headed out. Once in Toit, the first few minutes were awkward. I stood by the bar and felt awkward. Got some fruit juice and still felt awkward. A T20 match was going on. I stared at the screen for a bit and did not feel so awkward. Maybe this is why so many guys just stare at the screens. Not necessarily because they are following the action, but it is less awkward than staring at chicks and being unable to hit on them. After a few minutes, I knew had to move on. Can’t make myself comfortable. If necessary, I would stand there the entire night looking at my drink but I was not going to stare at the screen. I take a moment to strengthen my resolve.

I open a set with a line, “Here I am. Your knight in shining scalp”. But she did not understand. She looked at me dubiously. Her friend looked at me dubiously. I felt awkward. Deafening silence for about 5 seconds. I crack. I mumble something. They continue with a quizzical look. I give up and walk away. My stomach is tied in knots. Oh crap, that really hurt!

Then I meet a girl I had met during my previous visit to Toit. She recognizes me. I relax immediately. No wonder people prefer to hang out in their own social groups instead of venturing out. Social groups are very comfortable. Venturing out is scary. The last time I met her, I had christened her the Mistress of Verbal Combat henceforth referred to as the Mistress. “Hey, Mistress” I say, “This time you will not be able to demolish me so easy. I have been taking training for the last two weeks with a Master of Verbal combat. I am more than ready for the Barbs” She laughs, smiles and says “Bring it on”. She has friends. I introduce myself. The friends seem a little bit confused and give me a dubious look. They introduce themselves. One of them seems mildly drunk and the other seems extremely Sober. They will henceforth be referred to as Ms Drunk and Ms Sober. Anyhoo, Something does not feel right about the vibe. I talk for a minute or two before heading to the bar to order a fruit juice. I order from a spot that is close enough to the group so I can enter again. In the meantime I try to make conversation with other people.

Now I look at the TV screen watching the cricket match. Couple other guys are watching. I make a comment that beating Australia is fun. We get talking. They are cool guys. We start talking about UFC and whether it can ever get big in India and compete with cricket. Girls, fighting and sports. Guys like talking about shit like that. They seemed like nice guys so I stayed away from Girls. We talk. But what’s this? They have to go. They just came in to order Pizza for their house Party. I’m alone again. Drat!

I continue standing there. Nope, I still cannot see a way to get into that group. The Mistress also will not invite me in. Her back is to me. Is she playing coy? Or is she just ignoring me? Whatever! Four other guys come by to order Drinks. Apparently I am standing in a busy area. That is good. I can meet lots of people and get into convos rather easily. I try to talk to these guys. But these guys are not as cool as the other two. They are from Bihar. They don’t seem very social. Nope. Not that being Bihari has anything to do with it.

The staff comes up to me and say that I cannot stand where I am. I must move. I find a nice cool spot to be and now that’s taken away. Damnit! I scan the club. I open another couple girls. Extremely awkward. Fuck! I walk again. Nope, no use. I will have to go re-open the set with the Mistress of Verbal Combat. I decide to swallow the Bullet and I hope that I don’t have to “Lohey kay Channey Chabana”. (A hindi proverb literally translated to English as chewing Chickpeas made of Iron which means being in a tough situation)

I go right into the set and say,”So Mistress, how will guys hit on you if you sit in an area like this.”

“Not everyone is here to be hit on”, She says. Typical Chick Bullshit!
“Really?” I ask. Boy, if I had a coin for everytime I heard that”.
That did not really open the set. Seems like American Idioms really do not go down well here. Actually, they don’t go down at all. So I tried again
“BTW, where is my friend?, the guy with the Aerodynamic haircut.”
“I’m not his guard. Where is your friend?”
Aaah! A question! This gives me an opening. Had she just said, I am not his guard, without a counter question, I would have been sunk. Thanks girl, for asking me that.
“Well! We were supposed to hang out but he had a call at the last minute to attend to a rather urgent…… ahem!….. delicate matter.”
“you mean a booty call?”
“Well, You said it not me. And who knows, she might be the one” I said
At this, one of her friends rolled her eyes.
“And you don’t seem very convinced, Ms. Sober”
And that opened the set up. Soon we were in conversation. Girls love talking about this relationship bullshit. Now, they were all sitting, but I did not pull in a chair to sit with them. They were sitting on bar stools and I was at eye level while standing itself. Besides, I just felt better standing. Almost as if I was ready to leave.

Ms. Drunk seems interested in me. But I can’t tell for sure. She keeps telling me (almost slurring) that she is from Kerala. I keep reply, “Yes, Yes, I know you are from Kerala.”
Ms. Sober seems to be eyeing me in a very suspicious manner. As if she expects me to suddenly snatch her Handbag and bolt away from the scene at High speed.
The Mistress of course, is always up for some verbal combat.
They ask me to take a drink. I decline saying it get’s in the way of my passion.
“What is your passion?” They ask
“It’s complicated.” I say
“Oh, it’s sex” says the mistress
“Sex is excellent for health.” I say
“So are drinks” they say
“In moderation” I say
“Tell us your passion and we will tell you ours.”

I don’t want to tell them my passion is Meditation. Nor can I say sex. I does not seem right to say either of those. But what to say? Ms. Sober starts racking her brain thinking of a passion. I decide to lie. There goes the fourth precept.

“I am alcoholic” I say, ” I need to stay off drink”
“That’s not a passion, You lied” They say, “We will not tell you ours”
“Oh don’t be like that. You probably have no passions.” I said
And it continues like that.

we make a bet. If I drink tonight, then I buy them all a drink. I refuse the terms. After a while, the mistress tricks me into taking a sip. There goes the 5th precept.
“Just see what it tastes like” she says temtping me. I take a sip.
“You lost, You lost” They squeal, “Now buy us drinks”
“That was just a sip” I protest
“You are a sore loser.” They say
“So competitive” says the mistress
We continue bantering. They are all psychologists
“Analyse me”, I say.
Bad question. Never ask a psychologist to analyse you. Never ask a tall girl if she plays basketball or volleyball. Just don’t do it guys.

Now that I think of it, the convo was just banter. Never settled into comfort. But I guess for a first meet, Banter is okay. Maybe next time, I will be different. If there is a next time.

I notice Ms. Drunk is really losing it. She can barely stay seated without falling off the chair
“I think you are done for the night.” I say
“Don’t tell me what to do?” She snaps
“Okay, Okay! Mama Goat. I won’t tell you what to do.” I throw up my hands
Ms Drunk gives me the evil eye. For the rest of the night, her body language towards me changes. I can feel the hate vibes penetrate my skull.

At some point, an idea enters their head that I am some sort of pickup artist which I most definitely am not. Charming guy, sure, but PUA? No way! They ask me to hit on one of them. I guess I was too over the top. Maybe I should be more restrained the next time, if there is a next time. But then how would I be larger than life?

“Show us how you would hit on her.” The mistress says
“I can’t do that” I say
“Pretend” they say
“Not a pretender” I say
They point to a set I had opened awkwardly, “Hit on them”
“Why do you want to see me hit on girls?”
“We are bored.”
“I am not a performing monkey.”
They insist again. After a bit of this, my vanity, my love for a stage, my love for theater takes over.
“Please hit on them” They continue
“Already did” I say
“What about that one?”
“Boyfriend”
“That set has 3 girls and two guys.”
“Not my type”
“Were you hitting on me the other night?”
“No I was checking to see if I should hit on you later.”
“What happened?”
“You saw. My friend came to get me. We had to go. Not enough time.”
“No, seriously, why did you come talk to me?”
“I thought you were a cool person and fun to talk to.”
“Bullshit. You were hitting on me. I was watching a football match and you discturbed me”. Man! Girls make up the wierdest shit ever. And they accused me of lying! Me!
“Is that what you were doing? Seemed like you were doing meth.”
“Oh shut up.”

My vanity and love for a stage now take over.
“Okay, there are three girls out there. I will need a wing woman to accompany me.”
They volunteer Ms. Sober. We go outside and I point the set to Ms. Sober.
“Which girl do you like?” She asks
“I don’t know” I say
“What? You have to like someone”
“How can I know if I like some one unless I talk to them and see what they are like?”
“This is bullshit.”
“Sorry, Babe! I’m not that kind of guy. I need to be won over.”
“With what?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just curious.”
“This is not for the merely curious.”
She is not convinced with my explanation. But she probably does not think of me as a chain-snatcher anymore. Hey, who says I’m not making progress?

I go up to the set and say, “Hey, where is my drink?”
They point to my fruit juice and immediately start laughing.
“So what if i have a drink? What happened to the old days of Chivalry when the ladies would buy a gentleman a drink whether he had one or not.”
“Wasn’t it the other way round?” they ask laughing
“No it wasn’t?” I say
“It was. It was”, They shout.
“If it was, then it ought not to be. We must put the record straight immediately. I suggest we start here and now with you buying me a drink.”
“Have a sip” They say
Oh crap! The 5th precept.
“Fruit juice.” I say
“Oh come on.” They say
I am going to have the rethink the 5th precept.
I introduce Ms.Sober to the set. Ms. Sober takes the sip and does not like it. We get talking. Introductions get made. Small talk happens. Somehow, these girls seem a lot friendlier. I guess having a girl as a wing woman does wonders for opening up sets. The set has three girls. Ms Charismatic, Ms. professional and Ms. Goody Two shoes. Ms. Goody Two shoes seems really cute. We make eye gestures and laugh. Most of my convo is with Ms. Charismatic though. The topic reaches out to professions.

“Please don’t say you are a psychologist.” I say
They all start laughing. She IS a psychologist. Ms. Sober and Ms. Charismatic hit it off. Apparently they went to the same school. They squeal and exchange notes. They dominate the convo. I just make glances. Hey, what do I do? I love watching girls talk to each other. Yes, I said it, You heard me. I like listening to Girly conversation as an outside observer. So sue me! I’m pretty sure it causes a testosterone boost. After some fun talk, we eject and return to the set with the Mistress.

“I talked much more than he did.” Ms. Sober declares to the group.
Are you fucking shitting me? Women lie so casually, yo!

We decide to merge groups. We go over. Another guy is now in the group. He seems like a cool guy. He is really comfortable with them. He’s an old friend. He immediately hooks with the Mistress. He is a funny guy and makes the girls laugh. The girls are comfortable around him. I feel a twinge of envy. But I remember the Blessed One’s advice. “Good for you Bro”, I think to myself. It is so much easier to talk to women when other women have already validated you. It is so easy to make women laugh when you already know them. In this manner, I found myself justifying my inability to get a similar reaction to what this guy is getting. Envy, Envy, Envy! Little Green monster. So dangerous. I remember the Blessed One again to protect me from envy.

I decide to change position. I move to a better place in the group where I am in between two girls.
“Much better place”, I declare. They laugh
At some point the conversation goes into everybody’s USP (unique selling point) Mistress’ asset is verbal, Ms. Goody two shoes’ USP is that she is angelic and they all go through theirs except mine. Hmmm! Are they trying to tell me something? Well, I guess I should be shameless. I’m still trying to understand the scene. Nothing to be gained by getting insulted and leaving. Once I understand the cues in this scene, then I will know better. I decide to continue

“So Ms. Goody Two shoes, what was your USP again?”
“Im an angel.”
“So you have no deep dark secrets?”
“I might.”
“It’s okay if you don’t. It’s never too late to start.”
She smiles
“I can probably help you with that.” I say
She laughs. I would like to think there is a connection, but I can’t be sure. Women are mysterious. Chances are probably not. Let’s be honest here. But let us also keep trying. Let us put forth Effort.

I shift my attention to Ms. Charismatic. Apparently we have lots in common with respect to our background. She seems fascinated. We have been to many of the same places in our childhood and studies in many of the same schools. We talk quite a bit about that. It’s now 10:50 pm and the bar will close in half an hour. Welcome to India where the bar closes at 11:15 pm and the drinking age is 25. In this country you have subcultures who think like scandinavians and then you have sub cultures that think like Medieval Arabs. And those who think like Victorian Brits are in charge. Oh well! I can’t change the way things are. All I can do is put forth my best effort.

There is a commotion happening in the next table. Some idiot is proposing to Ms. Drunk.
“Is he really proposing?” I ask
“Yeah! He does this to everyone.” Ms Charismatic says.
“I hope she accepts. It will serve the Bastard right.” I declare
Ms. Charismatic laughs. What is it about her laugh that makes me feel so good?
Ladies and Gentlemen! To the extent that there is such a thing as girl game, Ms. Charismatic has it.
It seems that this club, Toit is a regular hangout for both Ms. Charismatic’s group as well as the Mistress’ group. So no need to take phone numbers. I don’t ask and they don’t offer. We will keep meeting as long as we both keep visiting. But I also better behave and not keep hitting on sets like I did in the states and Singapore. I guess even in nightclubs in India, game is essentially social. If you get the rep that you keep hitting on chicks, you are screwed. So this is a useful tip to modify my behavior.

I take my leave of Ms. Charismatic. Somehow the convo with her was less banter and more meaningful shit. I enjoy both the banter and the deep shit. Hope to see her again. And also Ms. Goody two shoes. And also the Mistress. I wonder what they feel about me. Can’t say. Could never say. And will probably never be able to say. I did not, do not, and probably will never understand women. But what I can do it put forth effort. The Masculine kind of effort.

I decide to go to the next table where Ms Drunk is clearly enjoying the attention of several guys or whatever the hell was going on there. I wade through the guys to reach her
“So when’s the marriage date?” I ask
“Why? Do you also want to marry me?” Asks Ms Drunk. There is a hint of churlishness in her voice. It is clear that she dislikes me. I remember the Blessed One. I cannot afford to dislike her back. Part of the game is not reacting to the shit that is thrown at you. I decide to banter some more
“No, I just wanted to make sure I get invited to the wedding. I heard there will be cake. Chocolate Cake.”
“Why don’t you just go continue flirting with those other girls?” She says with Venom dripping from her tongue. Where the hell did that come from? What did I do to piss her off so much? Women!

Before I have a chance to come up with a rejoinder, she declares
“Both these guys here want to marry me.”
I look at the guys. They both look kinda drunk. I decide to give both of them Props. Why? Because that’s what Guys do. That’s what any Blessed One’s disciple who gets into the game does.

“You are one lucky girl to have two handsome guys to choose from.” I declare putting my hands around their shoulders as buddies do. I continue, “This guy to my left left looks like he played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded Gun and Won.”

“I wish”, says the guy on the left. He understands that I gave him a huge compliment. He’s happy. But he should not be modest like that. No worries, I’m sure he will learn. He is a cool guy. Best of luck to you Bro.

“And this guy”, I say turning to the one on the right, “He looks like they allow him to touch the art in the Museums.”

“Man, are you playing?” Asks the guy on the right. Beep! Insecure guy alert.
“Relax man.” I say, “I just think you two guys are cool.”

Mr insecure takes me to one side and then proceeds to ask me if I’m interested in Ms. Drunk.
“Hell No!” I declare
“Well, I am” he says. Say What? I stare at him. I’m not sure if he is joking or serious or just flat out drunk. With Indian guys you can never tell for sure. In India all three outcomes are equally likely.
“Well I think you can do better”, I say. I mean he a is a decent looking guy and seems like he hits the Gym on a fairly regular fashion. That’s the other thing about India. Good looking guys getting sentimental over not so good looking girls. What to do? Female Beauty comes at a premium in India.

I take leave of Ms. Drunk and Mr. Insecure. I decide to talk to the Mistress once before leaving. The Mistress wants me to be her first client for psychotherapy. Does she expect payment? I ain’t payin baby. She gives me her email address. I’ll take the email address though.
“Why don’t we just exchange phone numbers?” I ask
“I don’t just give out my phone number.” She says. You have got to be kidding me.
“Email is so high school.”
“Deal with it.”
“Whatever.”
I’m too tired to banter anymore. I keep it cool. No more jokes. A few minutes of small talk. I’m not sure if Ms. Sober is staring at me or I’m just imagining shit. Does she think I want to steal her pants this time? Time for bed.

I text her email address to myself. I guess I’ll email her the day after. Let’s see what happens.

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Evaluating a Girl

Since I am evaluating a Girl as a long term partner, this clearly requires some thinking on my part. I have no experience with this.

I remember a Sri Lankan Monk’s article where he lambasted this tendency in Sri Lankans to look at astrological signs before marriage. Apparently the Buddha’s view was that a Wife and husband must be of similar mind. So Logically following, I can think of a few quick qualities she must have

1. Ethical: Not indulge in deception. A no brainer in today’s environment where the state and society have poisoned relationships between men and women causing much mistrust.

2. She must strive to stay attractive. For instance, I have always had a great deal of respect for women who try to maintain their looks and shape well into marriage. That shows that they respect their husband’s sex drive. We men too must strive to remain attractive to our women. If one is going to have sex with another, then we have to make some concessions to these human preferences. Otherwise, stay Celibate by God. Needless to say I feel women who let themselves go after marriage are being disrespectful to their husbands. Not good wives.

3. No hang ups regarding Sexuality: A no-brainer

4. A list from the Suttas
a) not harbor evil thoughts against her husband;
b) not be cruel, harsh or domineering;
c) not be spendthrift but should be economical and live within her means;
d) guard and save her husband’s hard-earned earnings and property;
e) always be attentive and chaste in mind and action;
f) be faithful and harbor no thought of any adulterous acts;
g) be refined in speech and polite in action;
h) be kind, industrious and hardworking;
i) be thoughtful and compassionate towards her husband, and her attitude should equate that of a mother’s love and concern for the protection of her only son;
j) be modest and respectful;
k) be cool, calm and understanding — serving not only as a wife but also as a friend and advisor when the need arises.

Needless so say, The qualities required of a man are Similar.

I think, with some help, I should be able to evaluate these qualities after knowing the girl for some time. Should be an interesting journey

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