Toit on a Weekday, Part -2 : I meet Mr. Innocent

Continued from Part-1

Then I suddenly notice another single guy, sitting all by himself, drinking a beer and eating a Pizza. I decide to talk to Him. We’ll call him Mr. Innocent. I go up and say Hi. He is friendly and immediately invites me to sit. He is a simple, easy going guy if somewhat conservative. He grew up in a fishing Village in North Karnataka and he therefore carries with him the mores of this place. He seems interested in Politics and we talk a bit about that. Everybody in India seems excited about Mr. Modi’s victory and he is no different.

At some point I ask if he is married. He replies in the negative. We then get talking about girls. He tells me some stories about his adventures with women. The stories are light, entertaining, engaging and endearing. I thoroughly enjoy them, laugh at the conclusion of each one and High five him whenever he lets slip an interesting detail.

He tells me of the story of the girl from his office who invites him to Cafe Coffee day for a Coffee after work.
She point to the sign and looks at him meaningfully and tells him that a lot can happen over coffee. He nods his head.
She then asks him if there is something he wants to happen? Yeah, I want a promotion at work he says.
She asks him if he would like to get married at all. He says, when the time is right.
She then tells him that 28 years (Mr. Innocent’s age) is a great age for a guy to get married. He says then he must start looking immediately before he gets to the wrong age
She points to her toe and tells her that she has no toe ring.

He then asks her, “Why do you like me?”
She says, “Because you are so innocent. Not like the cunning uncles who work at the company”
He tells her, “You are too modern for me. I want a conservative girl”
“What do you mean?” She asks him
“Look at the way you are dressed. Does your top need to be so tight? This is going to make all the guys tense. Hell, it is even making me tense.”
“Hey! I’m a modern girl”, she says while running her hand through her hair.
“Exactly my point”, he counters
“I will not leave you just like that.” She threatens him
We both burst out laughing at this point.

Of course he tells me all these details in his own inimitable style the way only village folk can do. My writing cannot do justice to the way he told the story. It was a lot funnier listening to him tell it than it is for you to read my writing.

The next story involved a girl who he used to meet on the bus on the way to work. He had a crush on her. But he simply could not muster the courage to talk to her. Of course he did not see her everyday on the Bus. Only now and then. But everyday he got on the bus, he would hope to see her. And his joy would no know bounds if she happened to be on the same bus. Then one day, out of the blue, she offered him a cupcake. He thanked her and put the entire cup cake in his mouth in one go and ate it all.
“What? I can’t believe you ate it all?” She gasped
“Of course I ate it. You offered it to me, right? What was I supposed to do? Put it in my pocket, take it home and eat it there?” He countered
“No, I meant take a piece of it.”
We both again burst out laughing.

Apparently two got started talking.
“Do you work for integrated analytics?” She asked him
“No I work for segregated analytics.” He answered

Company names changed, in case you geniuses did not get it

“Oh! I see” she said
They talked a bit. After a few minutes she asked him
“Do you work for integrated analytics?”
“No I work for segregated analytics.” He said
“Oh! I see” she said
We both burst out laughing again.

So apparently they talked for some more time and Mr innocent was not listening to anything she had to say. His mind was working feverishly thinking the next step he needed to take in this budding love-story.

“What should I do? He thought feverishly.
“Should I ask her out for coffee at cafe coffee day?”
“Should I get down at her stop today instead of mine?”
“Should I ask her for her phone number?”
“No phone num is too much at this stage. How about email?”
“Well, many mails just go to Bulk. What about facebook?”
“Fuck it! What if I just go for broke and propose marriage and cut out all the bullshit?”

I doubled over the bar counter laughing.

“Oh here comes my stop. I have to go, byeeeee” She says as she jumps off the bus and Mr innocent snaps out of his trance. But before he can gather his thoughts she is gone leaving him in a daze.

And from that day, for the last 6 months, Mr. innocent has not seen her. He has tried all different timings for the bus in an attempt to glimpse he again, but all in vain. He wants to ask the Bus conductor about her, but is shy.

“I think you should ask the conductor.” I volunteer

“Really? The conductor won’t think I am a lafanga? (loafer)?” He asks

“Who cares? You are a man. Do your job. Be man. Go for it.”

“Thanks Friend! You have filled me with hope. That is what I will do. I’ll ask him if he or any other driver/conductor has seen her. She is very pretty. All the people in the bus used to check her out including the driver and conductor.”

I wished him luck in finding his dream girl and we parted ways.

Continued in Part 3


About masculineffort

A Man should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, seduce a woman, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
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