Toit on a weekday, Part – 1: Fear

For some reason, over the last 3 months. for one reason or the other, I have been unable to go out to meet women during the weekends. The couple times I managed was a very loud place in Kammanahalli and a weekend visit to Toit which was a sausage fest. Sure there were a couple of all girl sets which I “could” have opened. But for some reason, I just did not go through. This, I believe, is a common problem for most guys.

What do you say to a woman you have never met before and who you are going to approach? Sometimes the mind just does not work. No matter what you think of saying, it does not right. It just does not sound funny, or charming or suave or profound. It just sounds stupid. We’ve all  watched too many Rom-Coms or Bond movies or movies about playboys and ladies men where the protagonist always seems to say just the right thing that befits the situation perfectly. We all tend to judge ourselves using that standard as a reference. Is it any wonder that we all fall short? Is it any wonder that most of us never even approach?

The key is to understand that the incredibly charming, perfect for the situation, devilishly clever line delivered by the Hero is the result of hours of work by script writers, producers and directors. Out in the field, when you encounter a situation, you have a grand total of three minutes to make your move. How can you compare your three minutes with their tens of hours? It’s your three minutes Vs tens of hours from a army of script writers, choreographers and what have you. 

So do not judge yourself by those standards. Approach and say something. Anything. Anything non-stupid I mean. But seriously, just approach and a simple Hi is better than nothing. And this was exactly my intent for my next visit to Toit.

This time I decided to see what the place like was on a weekday. I would go there after work, kick back with a few non-alcoholic drinks, chill, analyse the sitch (situation), make an esy going, friendly, polite approach. Fair enough. However, as 6:30 pm approached, my anxiety started to rise. Seriously, you’d think that after all these years, I would be done with the anxiety a man feels when he is about to approach women. No! I think it is time to accept that I will never be rid of approach anxiety. I will simply have to act in spite of it. Just when I was about to leave the office, I felt a need to go to the Toilet. I went in and emptied my bowels in the Office bathroom. What the hell? What next? Pee my pants? 

My heart started pounding, my eyes started lilting and I decided may it would be better if I went into the quiet room and observed the touch of the breath on my nostrils for a while. And so I did. Any excuse to go approach women. This is what happens if you go a long while without approaching women. So i went to the quiet room to observe the touch of my breath on the nostrils. I sat on the chair, started observing my breath and in couple minutes I was snoring. When I woke up, it was half an hour into the future. At this point, even I got impatient with my mind and decided to just go.

As I left the office building in my car and got onto the street, I noticed that I was in the middle of another of those rush hour traffic jams that Bangalore is so famous or notorious for depending on your point of view. It took me 45 minutes to drive 2 kms and another 30 minutes to find parking space. Exactly not the kind of thing that puts you in the sort of mood to be the life of a party. 

Once I enter Toit, I grab a Bloody Mary and walk around the bar. Toit may be a Pub, a bar, a night spot on a weekend. But on the weekday it is a restaurant. Everyone was in a group. And they were all eating. They were also imbibing alcoholic beverages sure, but they were all eating. The place is half full. Several tables are empty and almost no one is without Food. It’s hard to approach people who are eating. Drinking fine! But eating?

There were a couple of 2-sets but I could not get myself to approach them. I did not want to be here. I wanted to be at home, sleeping, or meditating, or jogging or reading. Anything, but this! But a man has got to do what a man has to do.I can’t But I sure did not feel like a man at that point. I was terrified. Petrified. I can’t approach the women.

I decide to talk to the cute receptionist. She works there. She can’t reject me. She has to talk to me. Also I’m a polite dude. Nothing much. Just plan to talk to her about the club, what the weekends here are like, how do I find an easy place to park, what are the other clubs in the area like etc etc. Just some warm up to get me in a talkative mood. But by the time I get to the receptionist, I notice some other staff at toit is talking to her at the counter. And the guy does not leave. After 10 minutes, I give up on the receptionist. 

Continued in the next post

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About masculineffort

A Man should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, seduce a woman, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
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