Khiladi Briefed me a bit. A few nuggets of his wisdom
1. Don’t read the newspapers. Don’t watch the news. They will fill your head with rape reports and paralyze you and leave you apologizing for being a man. Not attractive to women.
2. Hot chicks don’t read the newspaper or watch the news either. So approach without hesitation
3. All girl sets are not as common in India as in the U.S: You will have to approach sets with guys in them
4. Several sets in India have one girl and 5-6 guys. Paradoxically these sets are the easiest. Open them.
5. In the U.S., the cock-blocks are usually other women in the same set. In India the cock-block is almost always a guy in the same set. Don’t worry, they don’t get violent. I can kick their ass. Look at my Biceps. Approach with no fear.
:Set # 1: As a warm up, he suggested I start with an un-attractive woman and just say hi to her. This was just for me to get over my apprehension of opening strangers. I went up to her and said Hi. She gave me a dubious look and turned away. I ended talking to her guy friends who seemed friendlier but had a slightly dubious expression on their face as well. Oh, well! atleast I did not get arrested or punched or slapped. We are off to a good start
Khiladi decides to change tack. “You are too good looking for her. She probably thinks it is a dare.” he says non-chalantly. “From now on, only attractive chicks”, he declares imperiously.
I see a 3-set. Two decent looking girls and one dude. One of the girls is wearing a short skirt. This is another revelation for me. In the 21 years, I had lived in India prior to my departure to the States, I had seen a Grand-total of two chicks wearing medium sized skirts in a public venue. I had never seen a girl wearing mini-skirts in public venue and never seen one in hot-pants. The only chicks I had ever seen wearing miniskirts in my time in India was a house party in Bombay. In this bar, half the girls were wearing either miniskirts, or short shorts and even one wearing hot pants. Not bad at all. Certainly, they were dressed as well as in any medium-end bar in the States. Not bad! Not bad at all. Only one small negative. As I mentioned, India has no sports or Gym culture. While the girls were thin, you could not say any of them looked Fit or toned. None of them had any calf muscle to talk of. Oh, well! let’s count our blessings. What I saw that night would have been unthinkable even 12 years ago.
Set # 2: Back to that three set. I am not sure what I opened with, but we got talking. The girls had a pleasantly surprised look on their face. It does not seem they get opened all that much. The guy also seemed friendly at first, but in a few minutes he started getting a worried expression on his face. I too was feeling quite rusty and was unable to engage him. Finally, he cock-blocked me by coming over to my side and dominating the conversation. Soon I found myself talking exclusively with him and the girls were talking to each other. Very skillfully done, mate. Very skillfully done. I can appreciate an opponent, I can.
I look at the bright side. At least he did not start a fight with me. Khiladi is philosophical about the whole thing. “Your job is to approach”, he says, “his job is to cock-block. Besides you were not all that engaging. If you were and the girls really loved you, he would not have dared to cock-block you the way he did.”
Set #3: For the next, set Khiladi points me to a set with one girl and 5 guys. “Force your way in and say Hi”, he says. “No worries, the two of us can take that bunch of skinny fuckers if they get frisky.” I simply cannot open this set with a simple Hi. I’m too chicken. I take the cowards way out. I decide to go with the mistaken Identity bit.
“Hi Sunita” I say in a chirpy tone as I lean over their table to face her directly. They all look shocked.
“How have you been doing? Long time no see.” I continue doggedly, hopelessly. The guys are still speechless. The girl gives me a very puzzled look. I give her a dubious look as if secrhing her face. I pretend that I suddenly realized that she is not Sunita.
“Oh! I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else” I blurt out.
At this all the guys start laughing.
“Good one” One of them shouts
“I’m gonna use this one” shouts another
“What’s your name asks another?”
I end up shaking hands or high fiving the whole group. What an unexpected twist. In my old days, I would have taken the cue and joined the group. Alas, I am too rusty right now and also a bit relieved at the defusion of an awkward situation. Also a bit relieved not to be in a fight.
“Aw Shucks! I say, I really thought she was someone else” I say, “Besides this never works anyways. Did it work this time?” I preach.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why am i trying to mollify anyone? And why? They love me? So why am I trying to mollify anyone? Yes, people! You don’t use it, you lose it. Come back after a long lay-over and the only thing you can do is approach. After a bit of laughter and talk, i go back to Khiladi.
“You know you could have fucked her, right?” Khiladi asks. “She was so bored feeling hemmed in by all those guys and your approach was almost her get away from Jail card. And the guys loved you. You were practically their hero. They too were getting bored with this un-responding girl. And she was giving you that Who is this guy look. You should have joined them and in 20 minutes, you could have left with her.”
Set #4: Khiladi points me to a rare 3 set of older women sitting and eating by themselves. I go in telling them that I thought they looked interesting and wanted to see if my intuition was correct. They seemed very pleasantly surprised. They were friendly. We talked a bit. I was becoming increasingly aware of the deterioration in my social skills. I actually thanked them for not reporting me to the police for approaching them. Where the hell did THAT come from? That killed the set. Never apologize for being a man.
Note to self: Cancel my newspaper subscription. Burn the old Newspapers. Cancel Cable. Don’t read the news on the internet.
Set #5: Khiladi points me to a girl in a mixed set. She seems surprised at my approach and is uncomfortable from the start. I too am not exactly killing it with my conversation skills. I bail. Later I see that one of the guys in the group is her Boyfriend. Well, at least no altercation
Set #6: The next set, I am about to open, when her Boyfriend opens me from the back. I apologize saying something about not knowing she had a Boyfriend. She looks up startled but chuckles when she figures out what happened
Set #7: At this point, two hot chicks walk in. One wearing tight leggings and the other wearing a short ripped jeans shorts. Ripped jeans shorts in India? What the hell is going on? Is this really India? Khiladi instructs me to open them without delay. By the time I snap myself out of my geographical conundrum, they are gone. “Go look for them and open them” he instructs. I decide that the whole Hi thing etc is not working out too good. Maybe I should go for something edgy. Take a bit more risk. After a couple minutes of reconnaisance, I see them sitting at a table.
I put my hands on their table, lean over to the one closest to me and ask her with a slightly mocking smile on my face,” Will you marry me?”
She is shocked and speechless as is her friend. I continue to hold the mocking smile and resist the temptation to say something.
“Um, ah, I, er…..” she blurts out.
“Aaah! you’re no fun” I say turning over to her friend, I ask again, “Will you marry me?” with the same mocking smile.
At this point they both burst out laughing. Turns out they both have boyfriends in the same bar somewhere. One of them comes over and the conversation just dies. I bail.
Set #8: As a last set, he points me to an Asian looking girl standing all by herself. I open her and it seems she is actually Indian from the Northeast. I try to guess where she is from and I get it right in the 7th guess (Hint: There are 7 states in India’s north east). Her friend soon turns up. He seems to be a cool guy. This was the best set of the evening. She kept shit testing me. Kept putting her hand on my shoulder to see my reaction but I did not react. I was really having fun taking the piss out of each other. After about 10 minutes of this, Khiladi comes over and signals to me to leave. He looks impatient. “Congratulations, you are now her new Gay BFF.” Man, some guys are all about the lay.
We leave. Khiladi says he is now in the middle of a Body building regimen and can’t come out frequently or stay out late, but he will put me in touch with another guy who picks up women something fierce. Apparently he is some sort of natural with no idea that there is such a thing as learning to pick up chicks. I’m over stimulated from the first evening interacting with women after a lay over of several months. I can’t sleep for 4 hours after getting home. I sleep fitfully.