This post is a work in progress
What do I talk with a Girl, masculineffort? What do you talk to her about? How do you talk to a girl? This is the question that scrambles the brains of most guys who are new to the game or going out for a date with a girl. This question has tormented the souls of men at least from the time I was born. This post is a humble attempt to address this most perplexing question
If you are one of those guys who is tongue tied in front of women all the time, you also probably know “that guy” who seems to talk to women effortlessly. He makes them laugh. They punch him on the arm. He flirts, they flirt back and you are wondering, “How”? And so you go ask him, “Dude! What do you talk to girls about. How do you talk to them?” And then you get the rather unhelpful answer, “I talk to them exactly the way I talk to you. Like this.” While his answer is correct, it is only partly correct. The fact is, He does not talk to girls exactly like he talks to his buddies. That would simply not fly. What he is trying to say is that he is as relaxed talking to girls as he is talking to his buddies. So what he is trying to tell you is, “Just relax when interacting with girls.” This of course is easier said than done. Now, this post is not about relaxation techniques such as Yoga, tai chi, Qigong on pranayama or what have you. This post addresses exactly what I talk to when I am with women.
I am assuming you have some familiarity with basic Pick Up Theory. You approach a girl, you project decent body language, crack a few jokes, act all cute, or cocky and after 2-5 minutes of such banter, she agrees for an instadate over Coffee. Now what do you talk to her about? This is the part that is not much addressed anywhere. And pick up Bootcamps are only about the first 2-5 minutes. So this post is an attempt to explain that. First, you’ll have to start of with asking yourself a question
What qualities do you find attractive in a woman
Well, you approached her. So you clearly find her physically attractive. So it is clear I am not talking about physical qualities. Ask yourself this, “What qualities could this girl have that would make me even more attracted to her?” If you answer, “She is a nymphomaniac who’ll have sex with anyone, even me”, then your problems clearly do not end there. What I am talking about is the qualities that you can actually build a conversation around. For me, some of these qualities are Confidence, honesty and Assertiveness. So I will build a topic around these topics. This brings us to the next question
Why these topics?
The answers are simple. I enjoy these qualities in women. So I will clearly enjoy talking about these rather than something like brangelina or the Paris Fall collection or Why Daniel Henney is so hot. If you are not going to enjoy the interaction, neither will she. And if you are not enjoying yourself, you cannot relax. If you cannot relax, you cannot seduce. If you cannot seduce, ….. You get the point? Enjoyment of the topic is a primary reason, but there are others as well.
The other aspect is to do with screening. I am trying to find out if this is a woman who I would want to sleep with. So I am going to find out if she has these qualities which I consider attractive. One way to do it is just by observing her body language. But why not also design a conversation around it? The fact is that a woman is being cold approached by a strange man who is going to try to seduce her. For a woman to even consider this option requires some degree of confidence. She needs to be confident of her sexuality. Who she is as a woman. About her needs and desires. Women do have fantasies about having sex with strange, dominant and confident men. Most are too fearful to act on these as they are afraid to be labelled as “sluts” ( A term coined by jilted, loser men and jealous, ugly women) even in their own eyes. It takes a confident woman to accept her sexuality and live life a little. It takes a confident woman to consider being seduced by a man she just met. Thus I am going to screen her on this quality. If she does not have it, it is time for me to move on. It is a waste of time for both me and her. Even if I do bed her, I will leave her feeling guilty, which is not what I am about. Masculineffort is about what the french like to call Joie De Vivre.
To seduce a woman requires getting to know what she is about. Seduction is a dance where both partners work together. You cannot seduce a woman unless she does her part. And her part is revealing herself to a skillful inquisitor in her own inimitable way. She must reveal herself as she is. For this she needs to be honest with herself. Honest with the seducer.
Talking about Confidence
Start of by asking her, “Do you see yourself as a confident person?”
The question accomplishes a few things. Just by asking this question, it is clear that you like confident women. In a sense you are asserting yourself. That displays your own confidence and boldness. It is also a skillful way of asserting yourself. Much more skillful than just telling her, “I like confident women.” Women like subtlety along with boldness. I suggest you display both those. This question does it.
The fact is she will be kinda confused. Most people do not talk about stuff like this. She has probably never been asked something like this. So she will be a bit taken aback and collecting her thoughts. Don’t wait for her. It breaks the flow. After a couple seconds pause I like to tell her a story about a very confident friend of mine. For Good measure, this friend happens to be female. A brief synopsys of this story
To me, it was a friend of mine in high school who personified confidence. Her aim in life was to get married to a well off guy who she could control. And you know how such an aim is frowned upon in this age of feminism and equality. I mean I see you laughing. But this was her aim and she never felt the need to deny it. I’m not just saying this because she told this to me. People are generally very open with me because I’m a pretty non judgemental guy
See how I dropped that note about being Non-Judgemental? Who do you think a girl is more likely to share her thoughts and bed with? An easy going non-judgemental guy or a politically-correct judgemental moralist? Exactly! Now moving on with my story
Everyone in our friend circle knew this. Some of them tried to talk her out of it, but she just laughed at them, like you are laughing right now. “College is for ugly anti-social girls, masculineffort” she would tell me. “I’m hot. I can get a guy I control and I value some comfort and easy living. Life is a struggle. Why make it more so? I’m going to be married to a guy where he is the puppet and I am the puppet master” She even wrote an essay on this and everyone thought it was satire.
This story displays many important things. If told right, it is humorous and fun. It embodies Girl power in a sense. It makes a girl feel powerful listening to this as the undercurrent is of women being in charge. She will instinctive feel more confident. It displays that you have unconventional friends and you are therefore interesting. You filled in the awkward gap in the conversation. You gave her a better idea of what confidence is. She may even share a similar story with you from her own life. She may ask you more about this girl. So there is more to talk about. Plenty of back forth and humor.
(Fact: I do know this girl. I was highly attracted to her both for her looks and her general demeanour, but she wanted to get married early, which I was not willing or able to do. She was dirt poor and her dad struggled to give her an education. She was not a very bright student academically (in spite of being extremely intelligent. This is a sad indictment of the Indian educational system). So her options out of poverty were limited. Before you judge her and accuse her of being a Gold-Digger, ask yourself this, How many nights have you gone hungry? How many weekends have you spent working as a maid in other people’s houses helping your family earn money to put food on the table? All this while she carried on her studies, maintained her appearance and Good looks. Yes, good looks need to be maintained. She did get married to some Geeky 32 year old Engineer at the age of 16 (yes she forged her birth certificate to get married. Her husband did not know till she had her second Child). She is now in the U.S. with 7 kids and also has a career waiting for her if she so chooses. All through her Various pregnancies and child rearing Duties, she managed to get a degree in economics, a real estate license. She sold the family’s california house at the top of the housing bubble in 2006 and put all the money into Gold (in 2006 when Gold was $500/oz). And in 2012, she stopped her precious metals investments and moved into real estate. She is currently buying a bunch of properties dirt cheap and renting them out at high yields (12%). She has never held a regular job in her life, but she has increase the net worth of her family 5 times what it would have been had her husband continued his policy of just putting money in the bank. She did such a good job of negotiating the house prices that a couple (extremely impressed) real estate firms have offered her jobs which she will consider once her youngest starts school. Now you see where some of my posts come from? Her story could be made into a book which I am considering writing (Title: The Real Super-Mom. But suggestions welcome). To say that I am in awe of this woman would be an understatement.)
Okay then, that was a long detour. Time to get back on track. Once we have bantered a bit, it is time to go to a deeper question. In seduction, you must keep moving into deeper and deeper levels of conversation. So the question would be, “So let me ask you this. What is it that you consider most attractive about you that other people might not consider a good thing?”
ISn’t that apt? You cannot ask such a question right at the start. It’s weird. But this is the right moment. You just talked about this Super-Femme that defied modern feminism and political correctness. You are daring her to defy something. You are daring her to put herself out there. For your judgement. After all how does confidence really manifest? Confidence has a chance to manifest only when you assert yourself knowing fully well that you are most likely to be opposed. And if she takes you up on this, you are moving deeper and deeper into rapport. But be careful. When you ask questions such as this, be prepared to share something similar. And please do be honest. You do not do anyone a favor by lying.
But it may just happen that the question you posed is too much of a challenge for her. Then it is time for you to frame her as a confident girl. It is up to her to accept this frame. If she does not accept it, then …… sorry man! She’s probably not your type. But how do I frame her that way? One way is in your own mind. You must start seeing her, imagining her as this confident girl. The other is in conversation. And the way it is done is by saying, “You know, I had an inkling when I first saw you., I’m psychic like that. But I can tell that you are the kind of girl that does not blindly follow conventional wisdom. You use your own mind and rely on your own intuition and emotions.”
Bam! That’s that. If she is anything worth seducing, she will will share a story or perspective regarding this topic. That would indicate that she has accepted your frame and she is entering your reality as a confident woman. Strike one. Time to move deeper. In fact, there are cases where as she shares that bit that is attractive about her, you can actually kiss her at this point. After all, there are few things more attractive than a woman expressing her femininity. The next topic is exactly what she shared with you, i.e. that thing about her that she finds attractive that other people (most likely her friends) think is a bad thing.
Just as a side note, there are these PUA geeks out there who feel confidence is not attractive in women and that women must be demure and shy and insecure to be really attractive. This is just the whining of insecure losers. The fact is confidence is a universally attractive quality in all people for all sorts of relationships. Just as a confident man allows a woman to relax in her femininity, a confident woman allows a man to express his masculinity either by approaching her or escalating on her or seducing her. Enough said. Some of my friend and readers also would be inclined to make fun of me, “Saying I’m quite like a woman since I like this quality so much”, but I guess that is because these guys are not self aware enough to see things as they are. I repeat, confidence is a universally attractive quality.