I’m still a bit old fashioned. I have been brought kicking and screaming into this whole texting revolution. Nobody seems to talk on the phone anymore. I don’t know about you, but I just cannot imagine Cary Grant or Clark Gable texting the ladies suggesting a drink. They would just call up the girl ask her out in that deep baritone of theirs as a result of which she would swoon and pass out just after she said Yes.
But these days, the girls will simply not lift the phone if you call. I’m not sure what the deal really is. Several theories are currently doing the rounds
1. They are not confident enough to talk on the phone with a guy they like.
2. They do not want to talk to someone they do not like
3. Talking requires too much commitment.
4. They can reply to texts whenever they feel like. Texts are low stress
5. Texts give a person time to think of a response.
6. And so on and so forth ad nauseum
I’ll leave the real reason to the sociologists, pop culture gurus and people with way too much time on their hands. I am a practical man. And this is a practical blog. We do not try to figure why things are the way they are. What we do here is to ask ourselves, “How can we make the best of this situation?” This, dear friends, is where this humble article comes in.
First, let’s brief ourselves on all the emoticons. Let’s start with this wikipedia article
Next, let’s move into some real life, current situations which are happening to yours truly in real time. Time to get back to the girl I met day before, mentioned in sarge Diary-3. I said I’d call her and that is what I was just about to do. But at the last minute a thought hit me. What if she is not there to pick up the phone? You can’t leave voice messages here in singapore. What if she is there and does not pick up the phone. Sure, calling her is a stronger move than texting her, but it can backfire and leave you in a weaker position than before. I mean a text after a missed call just does not seem very strong in either case (her presence or her absence). So I decide to play it safe and send a text. But the text must not be weak. There must be some teasing and the girl must be given a nickname. I’ll call her Ms Sunshine. I was thinking should I do little ms sunshine? But then thought the better of it since this girl does not seem like a little ms sunshine. Just a ms sunshine. So here we go, off to the races.
Me: So! What are you, Ms. Sunshine? A talker? Or texter? ;P
Safe simple text. Teasing and a question. Shows I am not intimidated by her. She can answer at her own time. She replies back after about 10 minutes
She: Haha! I’m a texter.
Great! We are still on. So here I am conflicted. Should I just continue texting her. Somehow, I felt that would be weak. Just falling into her frame like that without a fight. I decided to fight back. I mean I am a talker. How can I fold like that. I may lose, but not without some resistance.
Me: Damn it! I lose the advantages of my deep baritone voice ;p. I’m calling you as soon as I pick the pieces of this plate I just broke.
I actually did break a plate and was actually picking up the pieces. But I am wondering if I can use something like this for all situations. I call her in 10 minutes and there is no answer. Has my position become weaker than before? Probably. But is it weaker than if I just continued texting her? Probably not! Okay I’ve fallen off the horse. But I better not grimace in pain. Let’s just get back up on the horse with some wry comment.
Me: See? This is exactly the problem with the 21st century
She thinks this is funny? Well, time to sit her up and tell her off.
Me: Very funny! Remind me to laugh later.
She: I have a prepaid plan as of now…..I’ve already burned up all my local mins.
I slap my head. This is the other reason they like to text. They run out of all their free minutes before the month is up because they spend it all gabbing with their BFFs about some local scandal. Anyway, the good news is that she came up with an explanation. I’m back on my horse and we are about to gallop.
Me: Aha! Okay then. Let’s dispense with the pleasantries and get to the nitty gritty. What are you doing friday evening? :-,
She: I like that! Get right to the point 😉
Notice she did not answer the question. I wondered if I should point that out or say something witty. But then I remember, that if brevity is the soul of wit, then silence is the…….er! um! …I….ah!..
Okay, i decide to say nothing. I mean no point in exhibiting textual diarrhea, eh?
She: I have a family in town & Best Friend’s Bday :). So I’m kinda busy all weekend.
She: Usually, I’m very free
Ooer! What’s this? My horse seems to have stumbled due to the unevenness of the race track. Let’s accept her reason, but at the same time let’s frame a challenge.
Me: I see! Then I am sure you will text me when your schedule opens up >:-> Or are you one of those girls who likes the guy to make all the moves 😀
She: Ha! What girl doesn’t? … 😉
Girl likes guy to take all the risks and make all the moves? Boy! What a surprise! Lucky for her that I am one of those guys who likes to make all the moves and take all the risks. I decide not to reply to this one until I can come up with a suitable rejoinder. But er! What’s this? She texts back….Twice
She: …Guess that just keeps you boys on your toes
I guess that ends the exchange. It does not feel right to add something right now. And what is all this crap I have been writing about feeling? Am I turning into a woman. Aah! The Buddha was right. We are all driven by our sensations.
Now let’s talk about the girl we mentioned in Sarge diary 4. I said I’d call her next week. So I guess I have to do maintenance texting. The issue of maintenance texting is not well covered in the literature of the crimson arts. The kamasutra says nothing about it, neither do several venerable Taoist texts on the same subject.
The theory behind maintenance texting is simple. Ideally when you cold approach a girl and number close her, she is said to be warm, i.e. warm in her feelings towards you. And an old venerable proverb asks us to strike when the iron is hot. Therefore, it is best to instadate a warm girl and try to make her hot. I mean it is far easier to make a warm girl hot rather than start with a cold girl. But sometimes instadating is not possible. In that case you must try to set up a date/meet with her ASAP, either the next day or the day after.
Sometimes, even meeting within a couple days is an issue. Then we have no choice but to wait a few days for a realistic chance. In that case, if you let several days pass with no contact with her, you will notice she has gone cold, i.e. cold to the idea of meeting up with you. Cold in her feelings towards you. I know! But that’s how girls are. Why they are like this is not our concern. Our concern as I mentioned earlier is, “How do we make the best of this situation.” So, to prevent her from going cold towards you, you must maintain sporadic/periodic contact with her. Not too often or you come across as desperate. Not not hands off either as she will go cold. This contact cannot be in the form of phone conversations for reasons already mentioned. So it will have to be texting.
Now that we have decided to text her in between, another question raises it’s head. How often should this be? There are no clear cut answers. The correct answer is often enough to keep her warm, but not so often as to come across as needy. In fact the correct answer comes with experience and varies from girl to girl and situation to situation. That is where this article comes in. To keep track of our experiences and to learn from them. So once again, let us work on maintenance texting with the girl mentioned in Sarge Diary – 4. Generally the rule would be to wait a day, but here I decided to do it the very next day since, well…..I’m not really sure why! So here we go to stoke the embers
Me:Got your texts too late yesterday (Girl’s name). And what does OWS stand for? Occupy wall street? :-i
She: The word “owh” is just to say hahahaha… as in Owh sorry I forgot about it.
She: Occupy wall street?
She: You are doing good in guessing abbreviations ;p
Four texts in a row. Man! she likes me. She is warm alright. And that last emoticon. Isn’t that like flirting? Okay okay! No need to push it today. I was going to explain all about occupy wall street but decided against it as it would break the flow
Me: Haha…..I thought you wrote ows. My bad. Great, I learnt something today.
Hmmm! maybe that part about learning something today was unnecessary. And in this field of endeavor, unnecessary is synonymous with disastrous. Oh!, we’ll find out soon enough.
I screwed up texting this girl. I sent her a maintenance text today
Me: So, (Girl’s name). How was your presentation? Was it a blocbuster as I had expected? ;p
No reply. This, I believe was lame. But she did not answer. Was this because I did not answer what was occupy wall street. Or was it because she actually had no presentation. Asian girls are sensitive like that. I was sure she had a presentation. She said so I believe. Was that not why she could not hang with me a little longer and will be busy all week? God, what a mess. Bad day today. The physio says my body is fucked up and I lost a girl who was almost in the bag. Jesus!
Update: Nov 30
Oh she just texted me back saying she was watching a movie and phone was on silent. She really did have a presentation. I was not sure since my attention was more occupied by looking at her rather than listening to her. Hey, don’t blame me. I am male. Males are visual. We don’t hear when we are seeing. God I am so paranoid. I am to prospective players what Bridget Jones is to single women. I just texted her back congratulating her on the presentation and commenting that my invitation to watch the movie must have been lost in the mail (joking of course). No reply from her, but I am not worried. Even if I lose her, I just can’t get myself to worry.