1100 hrs: Landed in singapore through an overnight flight and reached into a youth hostel. Haven’t brushed my teeth, beard still scruffy, not the best fitting jeans, no contacts but rather spectacles with a commando hairdo, not well rested either as I slept fitfully on the train. I stop a young girl on the street and hit her with a direct opener. She responds in a reasonably positive way. I am not altogether confident about pulling off the phone close. So I just get her email address. Able to engage in some banter regarding her major in college. Somewhat playful. Though what the banter was, I cannot recall for the life of me. Let’s call her designer_girl. Need to send her email.
1200 hrs: I brush my teeth and take a light bath before heading out into the field. Still have not shaved and still have the same general get up and attire.
1500 hrs: I am not the best dressed and sets are predictably going badly. But unlike before my hiatus, I am not getting discouraged at the constant stream of rejections. Instead I start experimenting with my approaches. Getting bolder. Showing more intent. More eye contact. More wry smiling, more patronizing smiling, changing the opener on the fly and depending on my mood. I’m keeping things fresh rather than letting them degenerate into the same stale opener again and again that I used to do. Somehow the fear of a conversation with the police is not as strong as it used to be. This hiatus has been very good for me mentally.
1530: An Aussie girl is very flattered at my approach. A very confident looking amazonian dutch girl is smiling at my approach. Both claim to have boyfriends. I spot a very cheerful looking friench girl walking towards me. I let her pass, change directions and start following her. I catch up with her and then say, “So? How is your evening walk working out for you?” I say it with the right tonality and facial expression. She laughs. Some banter while walking with her. She is walking fast. She is not interested. I see a couple European girls sitting down. I usually skip 2 sets, but hey, this is the new me. A new situation. I induce some sexual thoughts into myself and open with, “Hey! are you guys tourists?” I ask them if there is something else to do here apart from shopping. They are from Germany. I tell them that Germans are colonizing singapore. I banter a bit with them about supporting the Euro, tease them about their hard life as students. They seem to be polite. They are not totally bored by me, but they are not into me either. We talk about the price of nightlife. Damn, i should have told them the drinks were cheaper at my place. Anyway, I decide to end it the usual way. I ask them to come join me for a drink. They decline.
I could have sworn a singaporean girl actually gave me an approach invitation. She looked at me a little longer than usual and then after having crossed me, looked once again. Surely, this is an approach invitation. I approach. She looks lost and embarrassed. Maybe that was not an approach invitation at all. Maybe her looks did not indicate interest, rather she perhaps looked at me as if I was some strange guy. Since I never wait for AI, I have no idea what it really looks like. So a girl looking at me as one would look at a very strange person is the same thing to me as an Approach invitation.
1600 hrs: A very young girl is not sure about me. I can see that she is conflicted. One part of her wants to embrace the uncertainty and excitement of getting to know this strange male. The other part urges caution. She asks me my age. I answer truthfully. I am 11 years older than she is. She chooses caution. I’m rejected but I feel good about myself. Given the circumstances, I could not have done better.
1630: A chinese girl from the mainland hears out my pitch. She says her English is not all that good. I say my mandarin is even worse. I am very comfortable bantering with her. She says she is a tourist. I tell her that she should move to singapore for good. She says she would like to work as an office secretary. I tell her that there is a shortage of good office secretaries in the island. She laughs. She has just quit her job in china. I get her email address. She is here for a week. This set is probably going nowhere, but I thoroughly enjoyed teasing her. This is something I never used to do before the hiatus. Yes, this hiatus was good for me. I plan to send her an email whose sole purpose is to amuse me rather than to take it further with her.
1700: I spot a girl walking in my direction. She looks very cool. She is dressed unconventionally. I HAVE to talk to this girl. Usually I never stop girls who are walking in the opposite direction to me. I let them pass, follow them, catch up with them, tap them on the arm and deliver the opener. I don’t usually stop them, because for some reason my stopping is weak. My voice is down and my body language is not right. Girls usually just pass me while giving me a strange quizzical look. Well, I stop this girl. But it turns out just right. She stops. Perhaps if the girl is your type of girl, whatever you do DOES turn out to be well done. She stops, we talk. And I banter a lot. Again no clue what I talked about. Teased her about her choice in music, asked her about the singapore rain, teased her about her headwear. As I continue sarging, these things somehow seem to come naturally to me. If I like the girl, I seem to do things right automatically. I tell her I am a tourist and that she should show me around. I say it confidently. She agrees. I ask for her number. She whips out her phone. Then I stop her. I tell her the construction noise is too much. We go else where. I tell her. You seem quite confident, but are you so confident that if a guy you liked gave you his number, you would be able to text him first. She cheerfully said that she never ever would make the first move with guy. I look heavenwards and curse, she laughs. I tell her, “I was going to give you my number, but seeing that you are quite traditional, I’ll take your number and call or text you. We guys have to do everything around here.” She laughs again. I send her a text with a terse greeting.
1730: I initiate contact with a girl I knew before my hiatus. I wonder if she still remembers me. Texting begins
Me: “Hey, snowflake_girl, this is Mr_Fun from before the hiatus. Remember?”
She: *immediately*, “Ofcourse, how can I forget the guy who tried to read my mind.”
*What a sweet girl. She is busy with exams this week. She wants to grab coffee after those are over*
Me: Well, you better get an A. Or else I’ll force you to buy me coffee 😉
She: Haha! So if I don’t get an A, not only am I sad, now I have to buy you coffee?
Me: Ofcourse, I have high standards. Can’t you tell 😉
She: haha. Ok ok! I’ll get an A
Me: Good luck.
She: Thanks Dude 😉
*I said it before and I say it again, what a sweet girl. I am now seeing fantasies of being married and having babies with her. A dozen babies at the very least*
The steady improvement in my situation create an intense feeling of exhilaration in my body . I can’t sarge anymore. I decide to meet up with KungFu kid to dilute the excitement.
KungFuKid is dressed sharp. Damn, this guy is a waste of potential. Dresses well, earns six figures, great sense of humor, physically very fit (A boxer), but no girls. WTF? He is just too scared to approach by himself. And he is afraid to make a bold move when he is with the girl. He makes the girl laugh, he makes her comfortable, she starts liking him, she wants him to kiss her, he sees this and freezes up. Instead of seizing the moment and going for the kiss, there is still more banter and the moment is lost. And the girl is lost. Jesus man! Just do it! Whatchu afraid of?
Anyway, he is kinda down. The economy is not the best. Fear of Layoffs are omnipresent. He is working extra hard so he is not the one to get the axe. At the end of all that stress at work, he simply does not have the energy to pursue women. Even a casual, “How are you” is beyond him. I have been there and I understand. I empathize. Isn’t that the very reason I took the hiatus in the first place?
I tell KFK to enroll in dance classes, specifically Salsa and Tango. The girls in these classes are more open to meeting guys for long term relationships than the average girl. Some of the older ones among them enroll in dance classes for the specific purpose of meeting guys. There is no need to approach a girl. If a girl likes you she will make it amply clear to you. You will end up dancing with several girls in the course of the one hour. In that one hour you will get a feel for which girls are into you and which ones are not. All you have to do is keep up some sort of conversation with her during the time you are dancing together. Very basic questions like what do you do? Where you from? will suffice. Her response will tell a lot about how she feels about you. And politeness demands that she make at least some response to your questions. She can’t reject you hard. Any rejection will be a soft one which is between just you and her. I broke this into a simple algorithm for KFK
1. Have some custom made suits tailor made. Put these on
2. Enroll in one tango and one salsa class that meets at least once a week. Take a slab of 4 such classes
3. In 2-3 classes you’ll get a feel of which girls like you.
4. If you like any of them, in the 4th class, ask her/them if she would like to come out dancing with you sometime. Not in a romantic way mind you. You just want to improve your dance skills. Practice makes perfect. Would she please help you to perfect your moves.
5. If any of the girls accepts –> Awesome. You have a prospect to work on for the role of long term girlfriend. If all the girls you fancy reject you, then just ditch this studio and enroll in dance classes in some other studio.
6. Repeat steps 2-5 till you get a girlfriend or till you run out of studios.
KFK says he is going to look into this. I can only hope he does. His mother’s happiness may well depend on this.